Bol Bam - A journey of faith and surrender. (Sultanganj to Deoghar)- Shravan , 2011

It was raining heavily in Kolkata. The streets were filled with knee deep waters. I had filled in my one sided bag with a pair of saffron colored T-Shirt and shorts and the other pair I had already donned. I was still reluctant in spirit and the rain was proving to be another dampener in my will to perform a "kaanwar yatra" to lord Shiva in Baidyanath Dham. I never had a history of being religious in my deeds , though I had always loved visiting temples (mostly limited to gazing at Gods and Goddesses and leaving them to think how they lead my way) and watching Ganges since my childhood. Ganges always held a strange key to peace and tranquility in my inner self. May be the water element in me was incomplete , yearning for more and more proximity to water bodies.

A Mariner by profession , who had crossed oceans to make it to newer continents and deliver a service totally based on logic , accuracy and no room for error. Hardly did it give any scope for conservatism and religious showmanship. But today I was dressed in all saffron and was about to start an unknown journey for which I had no experience and no knowledge. Being a traveler , One belief was there that , the roads once taken and frequent appraisals always lead to destination.

"Taxi" - I yelled , amidst the rain on the sides of a Behala pavement.The black yellow tattered behemoth halted with the shrieks of its brakes. "Howrah" ? The taximan opened the rear door with a sense of respect and earnestness , a totally non routine behavior from taximen in kolkata. He said - Bam - sit down quickly else you will get wet. I didnt delay a second and boarded the taxi to Howrah. Today I was christened as "Bam" , a mixed feeling of irritation and preliminary surrender started. Irritation because I had always abhorred religious showmanship and preliminary surrender because I had started accepting that things will be this way only on this display of religion.

We reached Howarh , the taxi man also from Bihar , he had left Chhapra some 30 yrs back to make a living in Kolkata and now in his fifties he was dedicated to making his children study well. Only 4 days were left for shravan to complete and I was the lone saffron clad traveler at howrah station. I got a jolt , I had thought that I would be able to find few co passengers to babadham who could guide me during the passage. Just minutes before the train arrived , I saw a fair , frail and simple man walking down the platform from other end wearing the kaanwariya dress and holding a kaanwar. I felt elated that at last I have someone who is also on my path and who could be my company during the way. The importance of company , team and guide on a mission was getting clearer to me. I approached the gentleman and asked "Are you heading for babadham"? I know it was stupid to ask , but I didnt find anything suitable to start a conversation. He looked at me with disdain and surprise and answered "Yes".

I stubbornly put forward few more introductory questions and reached to asking his name.All he told me was that he was "Shankar" and a "Tinker" by profession , he basically come from Sitamarhi and has been working in Kolkata for past 15 yrs. The train was approaching. Howrah Jamalpur express , meandering on the tracks like a huge anaconda with headlights on forehead on that rainy night. I told him , rather urged him that will it be alright with him if I catch up with him in Sultanganj. He just answered "Bol Bam" and moved to his coach. Shankar and myself parted our ways to our respective coaches.

Part 2- The Holy Dip : Bol Bam - A journey of faith and surrender. (Sultanganj to Deoghar)- Shravan , 2011.

The holy dip.

My cell phone was blaring at its best , the alarm was ringing , my alertness to wake up held me up from putting it on snooze. I woke up well , looking out , I was still to reach sultanganj. I got freshened up fast and came back to my favourite pastime during student days , standing at the entrance of the coach and watching the "sujalam , sufalam" landscape outside. The foliage , the unorganized small farm plots were speaking the untold story of Farmer's toil in Bihar. My mind was still fixated to find the station board which read "Sultanganj" and then to find "Shankar".

The train halted with ease and I disembarked with my one sided saffron bag and my minimal belongings on any travel in my life. The station was full of kanwariyaas and the chant of Bol Bam was filled in the air. I was looking for "Shankar" , I saw him far ahead of me , closer to the exit. Once I thought that my request to him to meet at Sultanganj was in vain , perhaps he didnt care my company. But in other moment I thought he wasnt there to give me company , rather on a mission with only vision that was to meet "Shiva" at Baidyanath dham.

I followed him up , he was about to board an auto ricksaw which would take him to Ganga ghat. I called him up "Shankar ji". He looked at me and smilingly said - Come come , where have you been. The ricksaw left for Ganga ghat. I didnt speak to him much this time. The routine discussion of the train being on time and subsequent relief was only think we talked.

The ricksaw dropped us at Ghat Road. From here the journey was to begin. The air was filled with chants of "Bol bam". Men , women of all ages and youngsters alike thronged the road leading to Ganges. We started following the crowd to the Ghat. I didnt have any kaanwar with me. I asked "Shankar" if we could take a detour and buy a kaanwar for me. He smiled with strange look , as if he has got an uncalled for companion, but agreed. I bought a kaanwar and Shankar did good bargain for me and also advised me that during mela one should be very cautious as shopkeepers quote twice to thrice for everything compared to routine days. I nodded in agreement and appreciated his concern and advice.

By now we were close to Ganges. Ganges , the mother was in full of her might. Lots of devotees were taking dips within the safe area segregated using bamboos by authorities. I asked Shankar to go ahead and take his dip while I would watch his belongings. I sat down on a wooden cot and started looking at the people , their faith , Ganges the mother , holy dip and their vows. Ganges didnt seem like a river full of water , rather I felt she was full of culture , tradition , wishes , aspirations and above all life and for ages she had been doing this incessantly. Yes , Ganges seemed truly the carrier of culture and the people were waist to chest deep in her embrace and taking turns to make absolute dips and getting their bliss of culture and belief in every dip. In the meantime Shankar arrived and asked "Go and have a bath and then we will go for "Vows" and pick up water". I took out my thin towel (usually called Gamcchha) and entered Ganges. The water was chemically the same we find world wide. But the emotions , the reverence , the conditioning was making it as if I was treading a path into flow of divinity. With every step I chanted "Shiva" "Shiva". I could imagine how much Bhagirath would have struggled to bring her from Gangotri. How Ganges would have found her initial flow down the hills , chirruping and playing the best of ragas of flow in the hills. How she would have found maturity in the plains of uttar pradesh and Bihar and nurtured civilizations on both of its banks. How she would have aged whilst in Bengal and embraced a huge landmass and distributed all she had to her distributaries and met the Ocean at Gangasagar.

"Jahanvi" was the name given to her in Sultanganj. The temple of Ajgaivinath stood tall reminding the ancient unwritten history where Ganga on her first descent to earth irked "Rishi Jahnu's" meditation with her torrential waters. Jahnu out of rage seized Ganges by his curse. But the determined Bhagirath performed penance and later Jahnu released Ganges, and thus she was named "Jahanvi".

I took three dips , and came back to Shankar. He had already arranged for flowers and a priest for us to perform the "vow" to take the Ganges water to Lord Shiva in DeoGhar. We came back again to the river. Standing inside the water , the priest started chanting in samskrit , a vow , which starts with taking your name , gotra and keeping the world , the priest and lord in testimony that One will fulfill the promised. The priest's pronunciation of samskrit was causing grief to my ears. My little reading fluency of samskrit and my good luck of being in company of some great samskrit scholars during my childhood had always taught me to keep samskrit in high esteem. After the vow , Our Kaanwar was ready with two urns filled with the Ganges water dedicated to Lord "Shiva". Bam , Bam , Bol Bam. A loud and clear call to the five elements within that the journey has begun. "Om namah Shivay" , It seemed as if the marathon of divinity was beginning from within. Where all is devoted unto lord , where there is no me , Just my Shiva and his Bams. I could notice a strange surrender in the people. Shiva was becoming the beginning and the destination both. Shankar looked towards me and asked "Shall we start"?. I replied "Yes, Namah Shivay".

Part 3 : The humble surrender - Bol Bam - A journey of faith and surrender. (Sultanganj to Deoghar)- Shravan , 2011.

It was almost 9 am , the chants of "Bol bam" were getting intensified. Shankar and me set forth our journey to Baidyanath dham, holding our one sided bag and the kaanwar filled with two urns of Ganges water. Shankar's steps were too poised and his scant talks gave me a feel of his sense of dedication. I was frolicking , my steps were fervent and my inquisitiveness was definitely making me look like a novice. But that was what I was. My rampant imagination , my child like earnestness to meet "Shiva" and my conclusive nature of concluding any start as a prelude to completion was making me buoyant with the jubilation of the rendezvous. Shankar advised me to be slow and walk on the raw alleys of the road. Apart from his instructions , he restricted himself to nodding yes to my questions or answering with bol bam.

We kept on walking , bare feet. It was about an hour before noon and the sun has come up in its full might by now. Shining sun after rains scorches worst. The concrete and tar of the road was pretty hot by now. My feet had started feeling the heat. But Shankar's steps were steady , as if someone has crafted a robot who knows how to walk steadily for stretches. I blamed it to my comfort days and my habit of wearing shoes most of the times. Nothing was going to give me relief. I needed a break , a break to sit for some time and cool my heels. I knew that Shankar would not agree for a break so early and If I had asked him , he would have stopped with some strange smile and that would have left me embarrassed. There was another possibility too that he would have advised me that you take a break while I carry on and we meet at some future point. Totally unaware of the route , I didnt want to loose Shankar and his mystic smile was also something I wasnt ready for. I kept on walking in tandem with him.

After another hour , he asked "Looks like you need a break"? We have almost covered some 15 kms of our 105 km journey. His question came as an intrigue to me. I said If you too need , we must break. We finally agreed that we must break for an hour , have some water and take some rest. The rest was a real respite , we drank copious amounts of local brands of mineral water sold at exorbitant prices on the roadside. The shop keeper offered us a wooden cot to sit down. There were hangers made to hang the kaanwar , so that the kaanwar doesnt get soiled and is kept away from animals or any other impurities. Every few minutes I was having a look at my kaanwar to make sure it was safe and not mistaken by any one else as theirs. After all , all over India during travels I had learnt the importance of the quote "Passengers must take care of their belongings". Shankar noticed my concern and told not to worry that in this stretch of Shiva nothing unwanted happens.

It had been just 15-20 mins and Shankar was getting ready to restart. This time I decided to open up and asked him why dont we wait for some more time and make a plan. "Plan" ?? what plan do you want to make - Shankar asked. I said plan that how we walk , how long we walk and how long we stop and when we reach? He said that he only knows to walk and he has never planned it and has been meeting "Shiva" in shravan for last 7 years. I knew that my mariner's habit of appraisal , planning , execution and monitoring was an overkill in this place , but still I presented a plan unilaterally. Shankar ji , I said , we will walk for 2 hrs and then take rest for an hour , and during night we must sleep for 3 hours atleast. If we perform this religiously we will be covering 35-42kms per day with an average speed of 5-6km/hr. To this , Shankar gave a lost look and said "Let us start".

Soon , we were walking downstream the caravan of people. "Bol bam" all around. Kaanwars of various shapes and sizes. Some one having kaanwars with lots of bells and at times it gave an impression that a herd of belled cows are coming from behind. Some people had huge kaanwars and a group of people were carrying it together , while an equal number of people walked in stand by. The sun was getting brighter and the soil was getting hot like embers. I was trying to focus on Shiva and the beauty of Sunny day , the smell of the earth after rains , the autonomous caravans of people and most importantly the devotional fervour. But each single step was getting difficult. I could feel that my feet were burning and every stone or pebble which came below my feet was trying to puncture my heated feet. The more I tried avoiding the pebbles , the more my feet landed on them. My personal stamina which was never a hit in physical work was getting tested. My faith , which has always been secondary to logic and universalism was trying to make and elephant push and kept me walking.

Another 2 hrs were about to pass , we had walked pretty steadily , at a higher pace than the average folks. By now I felt blisters had come up in both my feet. Never used to bare feet walking and that too on a hot day upon a road full of stones and pebbles. Still we continued , There was a flat brook infront of us and it was carrying rain water of a fresh rain from some distant place. I could see some sharp stones on the brook bed. We had to cross it. I was at my cautious best that the stones on the brook bed dont damage the blisters , but to no help. The blisters were ruptured and the brook water got into it. The instant pain was not as much ferocious as was the thought that what next? Is my faith and capacity at test? There is still a long long way to go. I had seen first aid centers set up by volunteers and businessmen for charity. The worst were the scenes when people who had become incapable to carry out their walk further taking vehicles to Baidyanath dham. I didnt want to loose , at least not to my Lord. I had taken vow. What about my initial hubris and commitment. I started limping in the brook. In the mean time a faster moving from behind told me to get aside : Puncture bam , Side bam!

After crossing the brook , we stopped at a shop , sat down on a wooden cot. My eyes were almost wet , and my spirit aghast. I showed my ruptured and remaining blisters to Shankar. This time he looked empathizing. He said , it looks serious and asked me to wash it thoroughly. I told him I dont want to be a loser. I have to meet "Baba". He told me , dont you worry, you will meet baba. We will make a plan and walk for an hour and then stop for 15 mins. We will not walk for long stretches. I saw care and extreme sympathy in his eyes. His words made me melt and I almost pleaded "Shankar ji" I would need your help and guidance. Shankar smiled and this time It was a friendly smile and said "Dont worry I will pull you up". I closed my eyes and laid down on the cot and remembered "Shiva" as the lord who loves simplicity , who discards all duplicity , who is wilder than wild and weirder than weird. I recited all the "Shiva mantras" I knew mentally and surrendered to him. I surrendered and accepted with all my senses that "Its Shiva's journey and I surrender its completion unto his wishes". I surrendered my wish , my desire , my power , my energy , my entity unto Shiva - Oh Lord , If falling is my nature then please make rising my destiny.

Part 4 : Transit to Shiva - Bol Bam - A journey of faith and surrender. (Sultanganj to Deoghar)- Shravan , 2011.

The Sky was getting amber in color and the foliage was playing hide and seek with sunlight. Its been almost an hour of walking on this stretch. We were close to some village and lots of loud speakers were at work with Bhojpuri (folk) songs of Shiva playing loud. The lyrics bore absolute disconnect with the traditional Shiva folk songs. The ones being played had high intensity beats , enough of voice and music editing but were extremely simple in language and understanding. I was almost dragging my feet for taking every step. I could see Shankar almost 500-600 metres ahead of me at the turn of the road. We had finally agreed that he would make a stop on roadside and I would keep walking and meet him afterwards. We would carry out refreshment and lemon drinks together and then restart together.

I could see young boys walking fast , chanting their slogans "bol bam ka nara hai, baba ek sahara hai...". By this time I had started getting a good idea about the practices and traditions followed in this yatra. The "Dak Bams" were the real heroes. People were running along with Dak Bams to give them a sip or two of water. Dak bams were the kaanwariyas who had vowed to meet Shiva and perform his Abhishek within 24 hours of lifting their "Holy water". They didnt carry kaanwars , then hanged their bottles on their backs , they had white dress. They would not eat , sleep , rest during their non stop run to "Shiva". They would only take water during the 105 km stretch and that too some unknown passerby would offer it to them while being on relay. I didnt know what was the source of their energy and more than that it was incomprehensible for me to understand the strength of their faith. All the kaanwariyas and the local population gave them way , as if they carried a straight courier to Lord and nothing should come in their way , and if something should come , then it should be along and to their succour.

The twilight was setting in , shadows getting longer and longer. The cow herds were making their usual call to their colleagues and heading back to their shelters. The manual generators were giving ample diesel smoke and enough light to mark the roads. Shankar was not to be seen anywhere ahead. My body has forgotten the feelings of pain , blisters and tiredness , I was using my surrendered will and tattered feet to walk ahead. Every step now was like a music where there was pain , there was will , there was twilight , there was milieu and there was a human chain from beginning to end of the path chanting Shiva and Bol bam. The weather was getting cooler , the wind from west was playing its best lyrics of devotion and tranquil.

Shankar was waiting for me at a roadside restaurant. He waved at me , sitting cross legged on the cot , biscuits and tea served in front of him. I parked my kaanwar , washed my hands , feet and face and rushed for the tea. I realized that how helpful is a warm drink when you are stressed out physically. Shankar asked - How had it been. I replied," Just the way it should have been". It was almost 8 pm , Shankar said that we should take rest for next 4 hours and restart at midnight , as it would be cool and we must try to cover as much as we could. I nodded in yes , we ordered food. Chapati , pulses and potato was only eatables available at the roadside restaurant. Government has fixed the rates for eatables during the yatra. The restaurant menu read the food items and their govt rated prices. I was admiring the govt efforts , that how deeply the it cares for people. Most of the people on this yatra didnt belong to affluent classes of the society. They were mostly peasants , masons , small time village entrepreneurs , some enthusiasts , some under compulsion of some family vow , and few richer people. The richer people had their food arrangements and other facilities carried along in vehicles , with drivers driving upto their each planned stoppages and waiting for them. While I was lost in appreciation of the govt efforts of price fixation , the food arrived. The very appearance of food made me realize that our people would ever outsmart any govt effort. They had made huge quality compromises in the food preparation. Perhaps they were sure that if they complied with price norms , there wouldnt be any quality issue. Not a food freak , I finished my meal. Now it was time to sleep. We rented two wooden cots without any bedding provision and resigned to sleep under open sky at earliest.

Not even an hour had passed that it started raining. I woke up to see Shankar pulling up a huge plastic sheet and covering himself. I enquired if he had another , he said yes and gave me one too. I enveloped myself completely inside that plastic sheet and made it as water tight as I can by tucking its ends below my body. The desire and need to sleep was surpassing the fine drumming noise of water droplets on the plastic sheet. Unbelievably , But I slept in rain on a wooden cot with a plastic cover over me and succeeded.

"Dev , Get up and we must make a move" , Shankar was shaking me up. I got up and took little time to resume the yatra. It was still drizzling. We had made temporary rain coat of the plastic sheet and tucked its ends around the waist. We were walking , walking past the dark , semi lit and lit. Unknown and wet expanse of land , filled with the human chain. The air was heaving "Bol bam" in its every twist , the drizzle was setting a pretext to the larger narratives of Shiva's proximity with water. The people short and tall , black and white , thin and thick , rich and poor were all united by the gravity of one goal , which was pulling them across brooks , jungles , hillocks and folklands. The bewilderment of faith and logic started their riot again. By now , they had found some harmony and some co-existence was seemingly possible. Coming from nothing and going back to nothing. Isnt the mirage of life interesting and ever enlightening. Almost 6 octas of the sky was covered with clouds. A few stars could be noticed twinkling. The hillock ahead gave a narrow semi built stony passage for kaanwarias. I asked Shankar, "Is Shiva eternal" ? or are we just chasing our faiths and attempting some unknown self satisfaction and hoarding of punya. Shankar answered "Shiva is the one who has no beginning and no end". He closed this discussion with one single statement. But I was still not convinced , I needed to work my brain , primarily out of habit. Energy was the only aspect of reality which never had a beginning and no end. It stays , just getting transformed. Is Energy "Shiva"? Or Is "Shiva" , source of all energy. I was feeling jubilant , as if pondering on shiva and chanting his mantras were making me so focused as I had never been in my life. I didnt know anything else , I didnt remember anything else , All I knew was my way , my Shiva and his thoughts. How simple life suddenly becomes , so focused , so oriented , so demanding yet so simple. Eternity seeps into every thought , every breath becomes a rigvedic recitation , consciousness heightens beyond the senses. And the distance between "Shiva" and me was contracting , making the unison closer.

Just one chant was reverberating in my mind :
Shivoham Shivoham Shivaswarupoham
Nityoham shuddhoham buddhoham muktoham
Nityoham shuddhoham buddhoham muktoham
Shivoham Shivoham Shivaswarupoham

“I am Shiva (the pure unbounded consciousness). I am the unbounded consciousness. I am the very form of the unbounded consciousness.
I am eternal. I am pure. I am intelligent. I am free.
I am eternal. I am pure. I am intelligent. I am free.
I am Shiva (the pure unbounded consciousness). I am the unbounded consciousness. I am the very form of the unbounded consciousness.”

I kept on thinking and discussing "Shiva" , the time and the path elapsed , making me closer and closer to him with passing time. Whole day we continued our walk and covered handsome distances despite my odds.

Part 5 - The Shiva Embrace (Meeting Shiva) - Bol Bam - A journey of faith and surrender. (Sultanganj to Deoghar)- Shravan , 2011.

"You are welcome to Babanagri" , read the huge bills put up by Jharkhand government and business concerns. We had entered Deoghar , Shankar steadily walked and I continued out of commitment and some unknown heavenly intervention. We had passed through hills and rivers last night. Bhulbhulaiya river , Goryari and kalkatia had been been our last halts. This was 3rd day and almost 10 am. We had made it to Babanagri , The signboard read Bhutbangla. There were long queues built up with bamboo arrangements for kaanwarias to queue up before they could perform their ultimate libation. To our utter surprise all the queues were empty. We kept on walking straight. Elderly ladies from civilized and devout background flocked the roadsides stood with warm water containers in their hands and sprinkled the water in our feet. In was another wordly feeling. Both physically and emotionally. I felt like falling in the ladies's feet and say "Mother why are you doing this". But they were doing it to the cause , not to the person. From Darshaniya we proceeded to Shiv Ganga , Every breath , every word and every listening was only "Bol bam" now. The essence of Shiva had immersed in every living and non - living thing in Deoghar.

Shiv Ganga seemed like a centuries old pond. The stagnant water was serene and had a tinge of greenery and lots of flowers and leaves floating on the surface. I looked at Shankar and murmured "Shankar ji, we arrived". He smiled at me and said "Yes , Bhole Bhandari is great and always kind". Lets take a dip in Shiv ganga and get ready for Darshan. We arranged for a priest. Carried out some mandatory ritual , took dip and bathed in Shiv Ganga. It is said that Shiv ganga is a miniature of Ganga and Ravana , the great Shiva devotee had created it to cleanse himself before touching the Shiva Lingam. We changed our gear to a new one , bought flowers and vilva leaves and moved under the direction of the priest towards the temple.

There was no much crowd. It was one of the leanest periods to reasons unknown and incomprehensible.Now I was no more mundane , I was extracting eternal ecstasy in every step I took. Shiva was the sole motive and sole mover. My eyes were covered with a slight layer of tears , may be as a veil that I should not see anything else than Shiva henceforth. Or may be that all this was seeming so unreal. I was amazed of his grace , I was amazed of his kindness , I was humbled with his leadership , I was mesmerized with his strength. I was drawn like an iron dust to an universal magnet. No force greater than this attraction existed , no thought deeper than Shiva survived , no words purer than Shiva emanated , no existence other than Shiva remained.

"Bol bam" , I was standing right in front of the Baidyanath temple. The bells were ringing in a frenzy. The space was reverberating with chants of Shiva. I entered the temple , seizing every moment as it should never pass. I was crossing the limits of time , living lives in every moment. There were no more chants of Shiva on my mind , now every cell of my existence was singing "Shiva". A state of perfect harmony was established. I was standing just beside my Lord. Shiva was all around in the form of energy , in form of speech , in form of hearing , in form of breath , in form of space , in form of states of material , and in the form of Lingam. The verses of Rudrashtakam were automatically rhyming on my lips. The whole philosophy of life was merged in a moment. Dharma , Artha , Kaama had so subtly merged into this momentary Moksha. The moment was frozen , perennial flow of tears , as if I was meeting someone from whom I was separated and the wound of separation needed the ointment of tears. My feeling of completeness , my sense of divinity , my rhetorics of dharma , All were in fruition in that moment. I sat down facing Shiva , quiet and transcendentally communicating with him , the omni present. But I was not communicating in terms of words or ideas or thoughts. All was getting from me to him unspoken , unthought , unfelt. It was beyond my comprehension what was happening. In that rapt surrender and attachment , where one was beyond the world , Shiva was smiling with me at Baidyanath Dham. My existence was in his embrace and amassing nectars of life and devotion unexplained. Shankar tapped my shoulder and asked "Dev , where are you?"

Namah Shivay !!